We all want a workplace that feels comfortable, connected, and fun.
And yes, you can absolutely get on well with your team. Laugh together. Grab lunch. Share stories.
But when you’re the boss, it’s different. The lines between being friendly and being friends can get blurry. And when they do, it can make leadership a whole lot harder.
Where Things Start to Go Wrong
Being a good manager means being fair, consistent, and making tough decisions when needed.
When friendships form at work or worse, when you hire a friend it becomes tricky to separate emotion from responsibility.
Here are five common flashpoints where things go wrong:
1. Poor Performance
A colleague starts making mistakes or not pulling their weight.
Normally, you’d raise it and manage it. But if that person is a friend? It gets uncomfortable.
They might take it personally. They may not accept feedback. You’re suddenly tiptoeing instead of leading.
2. Declined Time Off
You have to say no to a holiday request , maybe it clashes with another team member, or it’s your busiest period.
For a friend, that can feel like a betrayal. What should be a professional “no” turns into a personal issue.
3. No Pay Rise
It’s pay review time. Maybe performance didn’t meet the mark, or there’s no budget for a raise.
When it’s a friend, this can quickly lead to resentment and even worse, damage to your relationship.
4. Redundancy
This one’s the hardest. Letting someone go is tough. Letting a friend go? Even tougher.
You know their situation. Their mortgage. Their stress.
But if they’re not the right fit, it still has to be done and that emotional weight can be overwhelming.
5. Your Team Notices
Other team members will clock the friendship and may start thinking rules don’t apply equally.
They might not speak up when things go wrong. They may assume your friend is untouchable.
This erodes trust in you and your leadership.
So... Is It Worth It?
Hiring or befriending someone at work might feel like a win.
You know them. You trust them. You enjoy their company.
But what happens when:
· They stop performing?
· They push for things you don’t want to give?
· Or worse they break your trust?
Here’s What You Can Do
Set clear, professional boundaries from the start:
· Don’t text or call outside work hours unless urgent
· Avoid connecting on personal social media
· Keep your personal life private
· Make expectations clear from day one
· Be prepared to make tough calls, even when it’s uncomfortable
Need Help Navigating a Sticky Situation?
I support business owners who want to get HR right with practical, no-nonsense advice.
If you're facing a challenge with an employee (friend or not), I can help.
Drop me an email at bev@bdhr.co.uk.
